A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for 'Bear Removers.' He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

'What are you going to do,' the homeowner asks?

'I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab him and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.'

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

'What's the shotgun for?' asks the homeowner.



* 'If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog

Here a cute joke about an Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make the proper "final" arrangements.

As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: "BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker--postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

"RETURNED UNOPENED"

here is one I found it on internet

A woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $2.40 for fast delivery or $1.30 for slower service. "There is no hurry," she told the clerk, "just so the package is delivered in my lifetime."
The postmaster glanced at her and said, "That will be $2.40, please."

Here's a joke that I really liked:


This Old dude, sat on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walked by and asked him what was wrong. Through his tears the old man answered, "I'm just so in love with my twenty-five-year-old wife."
"What's wrong with that?" asked the young man.
Between the sobs and sniffles, he answered, "You can't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, she cooks me breakfast and kisses me and tells me she loves me. At lunchtime she comes home and embraces me warmly and fixes my favorite meal. In the afternoon, when she gets a break, she brings home ice cream or to just sees if I need anything. And then after a nice hot supper, she gives me a warm bath, and cuddles up with me all night." He broke down, no longer able to speak.
The young man put his arm around him. "Oh, I think I see. I bet you just found out she's after your money?"
"No," the old man sobbed, "I can't remember where I live."

that is great!!

Mike, thanks for sharing, thats some classics.

Stamps and Lawyers

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

no mike there can be liar on the forum

oh did i spelt it right

hahahaha......... Mike keep them coming.